Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
