Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
