I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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