Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
