its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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