Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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