What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
