I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
