Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Drake has all the answers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
