Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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