Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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