i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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