At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Couch. On fire.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
