Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize