pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
