I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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