you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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