there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
