will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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