Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
