Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
