You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
