everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Randomize
