Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
