They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
