Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
