we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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