All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How external is "for external use only"?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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