party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
