that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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