I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
