I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
