I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
