on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
