He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
