Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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