i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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