She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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