i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
