I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize