So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
