if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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