I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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