One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
