The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
