You really coming over, don't trick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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