So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
