The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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