Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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