she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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