Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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