I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
handjob tips. give me some.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
