marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
