whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
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