Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize