I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
