my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
