OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
