Kareoke will never be a sober sport
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
