I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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