Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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