We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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