he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
