So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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