I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
