tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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