so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
