I wish they made helmets for livers.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize