She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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